Meeting for the first time: Long Distance Relationship FAQ

7 min readNov 11, 2021

This article is for you if you are going to be meeting for the first time in a long distance relationship

The first meeting is a key and decisive step in a long distance relationship. It allows you to know if you want to continue it and if the person with whom you have been exchanging during these long weeks is the one you need in your life.

Your senses will be in turmoil.
You will feel as if every beat of your heart will tear your rib cage apart!

This meeting will come relatively early, causing anticipation and hope, stress and nervousness caused by impatience.

I’m aiming right at it when I say that you wouldn’t waste this moment for anything in the world.

It’s true, the first meeting in a LDR is about making it real.
It’s closing the mouth to all those who have already told you « You’re wasting your time, find someone close to home… »

After this moment passed, no more destructive phrases like « but you never met him, it’s not a real relationship ».

And for this, you need to be sure of your move: on a dating app, you can afford to go without preparation.
Driving 10 minutes to the local coffee shop is light years away from being engaging.

On the other hand, paying for a plane ticket and voluntarily imposing on yourself more than 12 hours of flight as I did, is infinitely more engaging. There is no room for error.

Being myself in a long distance relationship for several years, I share with you here information and advice that helped me to take the step and that can help you too.

Whether you are leaving or your potential partner is joining you, you will find 15 answers to 15 questions to ask yourself before the meeting.

Let’s go !

How long should we wait before meeting for the first time?

I’ve been asked this question countless times. And it’s quite legitimate to ask it. At the risk of alienating people, here is the answer.

It’s not a question of time, but of feeling and desire.

Take your phone, a sheet of paper and a pencil and do this calculation:

Divide the number of messages you’ve sent to each other by the number of days (between the first and last message).
For example, if you sent yourself 1700 messages in two weeks, you would divide 1700 by 14. That gives you 121. Let’s be honest: it’s ridiculous.

Reaching a number between 400 and 500 is a good start.
The higher the number you find, the more time it will take to finally start the first meeting.

What does that mean? That the news is good!
You are both committed to your relationship, and over a period longer than a few days.

Your topics of conversation are diverse, and you can’t get enough of each other. In practical terms, you improve your chances of things going well once you’re face-to-face.

This is not an exact science, just a good indicator.

I also recommend that you avoid waiting too long. Here are the reasons:

The longer you wait, the higher your expectations will be and the more likely you are to be disappointed. This is called idealization
If you wait too much and you realize that the feeling is non-existent in real life (if I can say it like that), you will have the impression to have wasted your time.

Be careful! Don’t buy your plane tickets 3 weeks after your first discussion either. Give time to time and make thoughtful decisions.

Before making this first meeting possible and real, I recommend that you validate each of the points in the next question:

How do I know when it’s the right time for the first meeting in a long distance relationship?

This part is very important, so pay attention!

When you feel like going further

This comes naturally. After thousands of messages sent, you will want to go further. You are a human being, first of all! This feeling is perfectly normal.
And if you don’t hear that little voice inside you whispering « I want to go to the next level », then you are far from ready.

When you are sure you are not dealing with a catfish

Are you convinced that the person you are talking to is who he or she claims to be?
Are you 10,000% sure that their feelings are genuine and that they are not manipulating you?

Or even worse: scamming you out of an insane amount of money?

If the answer is « No », or « Not yet », or « Not 100% », then let it go and treat it as a priority.

A French woman was swindled out of 20,000€ because of this, and her « long distance boyfriend » instantly left her when he saw her at the airport.
It’s an appalling story, but unfortunately I didn’t make it up.

Have you ever made a video call?

I’ll cut to the chase.
Meeting someone without making dozens of video calls first is suicide!
Don’t skip steps: no one learned to run before they could walk (even if you were a child prodigy, which I have no doubt you were)

Have you ever made a video call with his family? (or your own)

This one is optional.
It’s far from the most important, but engaging the family in a long-distance relationship proves that it’s serious business.
This is a tip that the youngest among you should follow. It is incredibly difficult to convince your parents with words alone.

Actions are the best way to prove your resolve.

International long distance relationships are not Tinder

If the date turns out to be a disaster, you can’t just leave, go home in 10 minutes and continue your Netflix series while eating your favorite chips.

You will spend time, a certain amount of money (for your plane tickets) and completely go out of your comfort zone by traveling alone, probably in a country you have never been to before.

You have to put all the chances on your side so that everything goes well.

You must understand that when you meet this person, fate will tell you if :

You will continue this relationship
Or if it is time to end this correspondence. I will go into more detail in the rest of the article on this, don’t worry!

I am still dependent on my parents, what should I do?

No question of age here.
Each region of the world has its own customs, and being 17 in Europe is completely different from being 17 in Latin America.

In any case, you must inform your parents of the situation.
Explain them your state of mind, your desires, your doubts… Be more transparent with them than the Caribbean waters in summer.
They will see your involvement and can advise you accordingly.

If they are formally opposed to your desire to travel (which I can understand), then prove them wrong, but in the right way:

Manage your long-distance relationship like a starred chef manages his or her clerks
Save enough money to show them your determination
Accept their choice, and act like a responsible adult

Trust can’t be taken, it has to be earned. And not with words. With actions.

What safety precautions should I take?

Respect the following points. Security is THE point on which you should not joke.

You have made sure that you are not a victim of a scam
Never send money over the internet
Have a copy of your identity card, it is always more reassuring
Remove all doubt on all possible red flags
Do a background check. Everyone leaves traces on the Internet
During your trip, always tell someone you trust where you are, and make sure your partner knows it
Plan a financial budget in case of big problems or unexpected events

The most important point

Meeting for the first time in a long distance relationship in a private place has its risks

Organize it in a public place: the airport, a café, a hotel… avoid going to your private accommodations.
You don’t know what can happen. As I said, give time to time and don’t rush things.

If you want to go even further, you can share your location with someone you trust, and make sure your partner knows.

Is it a good idea to sleep over?

As I said, I strongly advise against sleeping it off in a private place the first night.
The following days, you can change your mind, either to save money or because everything is going well

The advantage of spending the first night apart is that you will be able to take a step back from the situation, with a clear head.
If I tell you that the distance allows you to take a step back, I am not teaching you anything!

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