Long distance relationship advantages and disadvantages: what you need to know
When you tell someone you’re in a long-distance relationship, I’m pretty sure you have this doubt in you.
« What will he think of me? »
You swallow your saliva as you wait for his answer, already thinking that he will make a hasty and disgusting judgment of you.
It’s like that every time.
Welcome to the real world, where as soon as you deviate a little from the norm, you are seen as an alien.
If at first your interlocutors are intrigued by your situation by asking you questions like:
- « And do you trust him? »
- « Don’t you miss him too much? »
- « When was the last time you saw him? »
Behind it lies the real prejudice:
- « He must have cheated on her many times already »
- « In the end, her relationship is not really a relationship if they are never together »
- « They spend more time apart than together »
No matter how many times you answer the objections, their opinion will not change.
They won’t see your relationship as real.
Borderline mature.
If they don’t end up thinking, « This is something I could never do. You have to be desperate to get to this point » you’ll at least get a « I started a long distance relationship when I was in college too. We broke up after 3 weeks ».
All filled with contempt, of course.
It takes a good dose of self-care and patience with these people.
But are they right?
Is a long-distance relationship worth it?
What are the long distance relationship advantages and disadvantages ?
Are there any benefits to engaging in this adventure?
The answer is yes.
Look at my relationship with Kyomi…
It was the first long distance relationship for both of us, and today it’s the longest we’ve had.
And the most successful.
And we didn’t know what we were getting into before we did it.
We just did it, with its advantages and disadvantages.
So how did it go?
I’m going to walk you through, point by point, what the pros and cons of long distance relationships are.
This will help you know what to say if you find yourself facing scornful interlocutors.
You won’t change their mind, but you won’t have those horrible cold sweats anymore.
And I bet you wouldn’t have thought of half the benefits!
N° 16 is the best of them all.
Let’s go for the long distance relationship advantages and disadvantages!
Long Distance Relationship Advantages: Explanations
1. You have an excellent reason to travel and discover new territories
It is not always your partner who will visit you at home.
Whether you live in the same country or on the other side of the world, you’re bound to travel!
You’ll be amazed by new landscapes, breathe in new air, enjoy local specialties, discover a new culture…
A considerable advantage that makes countless jealous!
I probably would never have gone to Peru, never had the chance to pet alpacas and seen one of the 7 wonders of the world if I hadn’t started my long distance relationship with Kyomi… and this is only the beginning, believe me!
2. You keep a huge chunk of time just for you and your projects
Definitely the most underestimated advantage of all.
Not being physically together (and in our case, having between 6 and 7 hours of time difference) allows us to each lead our own life, on our own.
We don’t have the temptation to put our plans aside because the other is there.
No matter what it is!
Getting back into sports, learning to draw, seeing old friends, just closing your eyes and thinking the way I like to think…
You can even use the distance as motivation, « Next time we meet, I’ll be able to cook her favorite meal! «
I’m someone who loves solitude when it’s chosen.
Knowing that when I get up, I have several hours ahead of me without worrying about regularly looking at my cell phone allows me to stay focused on myself.
What happiness.
And Kyomi? It’s the same, but at night!
This is an essential element for the following advantage:
3. You gain in maturity every day on many aspects, such as :
Communication:
THE quality to have if you want your long distance relationship to work. Poor or lack of communication is the #1 problem between two people involved in this type of relationship.
So even if you think you don’t know how to communicate, you’ll learn it very quickly!
And it happens quite naturally, don’t worry.
Open-mindedness:
This is even more true if your relationship is international or if there are important differences between your partner and you (religion, way of life…)
When you are immersed in a new culture, you have to adapt.
If you don’t, you’ll be eaten.
If you don’t try to learn more about your partner’s culture, it may get stuck somewhere.
Just like communication, it happens quite naturally.
And you want to know something nice?
You’ve already started doing that.
Not to do what every other couple does.
A word of advice: don’t do everything like everyone else.
It’s boring as hell!
Creativity:
It’s harder to surprise your partner from a distance. You’ll have to rack your brains to always manage to surprise your partner.
But it’s far from impossible!
For a long time, I didn’t think I had a creative mind.
But my family and my girlfriend convinced me otherwise. It’s true that I always manage to find new gifts, make new surprises…
The distance has helped me incredibly for that!
That’s why we decided to create My Sweet LDR.
To put this creativity to good use, and to help you in your long distance relationship.
In order not to fall into the dreaded routine, you will have to work on your creativity.
If you are afraid of this, you can browse through the different articles I have written.
I am sure they will help you! And your partner will be amazed at your ideas.
He won’t understand where you get all these inspirations from.
4. You build an infinitely stronger relationship in the long run
I couldn’t write this article about long distance relationship advantages and disadvantages without speak about that.
Here, I am only talking about people who started a relationship while being long distance.
This quote is from my article which includes more than 120:
It sums up perfectly what I’m about to say.
When you value personality over looks, you build an incredibly powerful relationship over the long term.
In a long distance relationship, you have no choice.
Personality comes before looks.
Plus, long-distance relationships are considered (and it’s pretty much true) to be more difficult than traditional relationships.
And it starts the second feelings are born.
Starting a relationship with constraints will only make your relationship stronger.
I’ll finish by saying that every step is slower.
You take more time for everything.
You are sure to make each decision after thinking it through.
The more you think about it, the less likely you are to make a mistake
It’s mathematical!
5. Your discussions are deeper and less superficial
Talking, exchanging words.
This mundane, everyday activity takes on more importance in a long-distance couple.
LDR couples exchange more on a daily basis than a regular couple.
This is normal.
And as time goes on, you’ll have deeper and deeper discussions.
You’ll have to talk about your future, your desires, your goals.
It’s a sea of deep and serious topics that await you if you plan to get closer for good.
Remember that the goal of a long-distance relationship is to become a relationship.
6. You learn to depend only on yourself
This point is related to #2.
I’m going to tell you about a phenomenon that affects most of my friends.
And I’m sure yours do too!
That of…
Disappearing.
Yes, you read that right!
You have a great time with them, they are very often available.
And as soon as they find a girlfriend, they disappear faster than toilet paper in a global epidemic.
I’m not going to blame them. I’m happy for my friends.
But the amount of time they give their buddies before and after they meet someone is absolutely incomparable.
Becoming dependent on someone, spending all your time with that person can bring a lot of happiness.
But it can also make you extremely unhappy if things go wrong.
And as this LifeHack article says, not being dependent on someone strengthens your relationship.
And I totally agree with this
In a long distance relationship, you won’t have this problem!
7. You experience powerful emotions that only people in long distance relationships can experience
This one is a long distance relationship advantages and disadvantages…this is the only item to be present in both lists.
I don’t see airports the same way since I started my long distance relationship…
Those moments when you see your significant other again after months and months away from each other.
When you’re in each other’s arms…
Smell his smell…
It is indescribable.
You have to experience it to know what I mean.
Not to mention the excitement as D-Day draws near.
It’s kind of like waiting for Christmas when you’re a kid.
You feel like you’re going back to childhood, waiting impatiently for the day to start (or arrive).
Except that Santa Claus is you!
8. Your relationship will be much more romantic because of the distance
This point is true for two reasons:
- First, if you plan surprises, activities, events online, from a distance, your partner will take it more into account.
He’ll know that you’re not letting the miles get to you, and even something that might seem the most mundane to a classic couple, doing it from a distance brings more flavor.
The last time I had a cake delivered to Kyomi, I asked the company to put a note with it. Very simple. It made all the difference! - Secondly, it will have implications for when you meet up. Just getting around your country, taking a plane or a train, is so romantic.
Imagine what you’ll be able to do when you’re physically present in the same room, if you manage to be romantic despite the distance.
And the cool thing about romance is that you quickly get a taste for it.
You always want to do better next time!
I find it as satisfying to please as it is to give pleasure.
Don’t you agree?
9. You pay a lot more attention to messages, calls, little attentions
Once again, everything is multiplied tenfold in a long-distance relationship.
Including the messages and small attentions you do for your partner.
- A simple message in the morning can put you in a good mood all day long.
- A simple quote sent can strengthen your relationship
- A simple « How’s your family? » can bring smiles to your face, even in difficult times.
And yes, as we are deprived of physical contact, other forms of contact become more important.
This can be compared to a disabled person who has lost his or her sight: the other 4 senses will naturally be more developed.
The next two points are advantages that directly affect your personality and qualities.
Let’s continue:
10. You don’t argue over trivial details
Let’s recap:
- You haven’t seen each other in a super mega super ultra long time
- You’ve invested time, energy and money in your upcoming reunion
- You only have a few weeks to spend together
Are you really going to get into trouble because you took a wrong turn?
Or because your partner forgot to take the sunscreen?
I hope not!
Simply because it’s not worth it.
This idea ties in with point #3.
By avoiding futile and pointless arguments, you gain in maturity.
Mind you, I’m not talking about arguments when you are at a distance in this case!
11. Your trust in each other will become infallible (if you deal with jealousy)
If you’ve read my complete guide to learning how to control your jealousy despite distance, you know this point is especially true.
Know that you have no choice but to trust.
You are thousands of miles away, need I remind you?
You have the right to be worried, to doubt.
It is normal. We are human beings.
You should know that I consider jealousy as a proof of love. In small doses, of course.
If you can control it, trust will naturally develop.
Distance is your ally in this case! It’s a great test of trust that you take every day.
12. You never take your partner for granted
Or if you do, you are making a big mistake!
Why is it a good thing to never take your partner for granted?
Because:
- Your discussions will always be full of interest
- You will remain empathetic to each other and involved in each other’s projects.
- You will never be put aside for several days, without news
- You will respect your commitments, as an indestructible couple
13. You don’t have to get pretty or shave every day
Are we talking about this underrated benefit?
Frankly, some days it’s nice to stay in your pajamas or go out for a night on the town without having to be absolutely perfect!
We finish gently with points 14 and 15 before moving on to the most important advantage of all (N°16).
14. You avoid boring weekends at the in-laws
What? I based this on a cliché that says you never get along with your in-laws?
Maybe…
A little humor never hurts.
15. You won’t run into him on the street corner if you break up
A little tour on social networks, you block him/her from everywhere, and there you go.
Gone is the apprehension of going to that bar, running into him/her at the supermarket or at that concert in your small town.
And what could he be doing thousands of miles away from home?
The hardest thing now is to get him out of your mind.
16. You have the enormous advantage when you finally break the distance of having already faced difficulties you thought insurmountable.
The LDR advantage is the most important and the most concrete in my eyes, and directly related to N°4.
I’ve said several times in this article that for me, long-distance relationships are better than traditional relationships in the long run.
And this is for a simple reason:
If you were willing to make concessions directly at the beginning of your relationship,
That is, to accept the distance for a while,
And if you were able to survive that, then you’re leaving with a considerable advantage when you live together.
I’m not there yet, but I’m sure you’ll be able to put things into perspective when the going gets tough.
« We stuck it out despite the obstacles the miles put in front of us. Aren’t we going to let that get us down? »
And this test, people committed to a « classic » relationship will never pass it!
I would still like to warn you: things can be completely different when you definitely break the distance.
This is the first disadvantage on my list.
I’ll explain it to you right away.
Long Distance Relationship Disadvantages: Explanations
1. You take the risk (by starting a relation directly in distance) that everything will be different in real life.
Virtual life is not real life.
It never will be.
You can get along with someone through a video game, a Discord server or a video call; and have nothing to say to that person when you’re sitting in a bar.
I have only one advice to give you:
Don’t wait too long to see someone in person.
Take precautions to make sure that this person does not want to hurt you, of course.
3 months.
That’s how long it took from the first message with Kyomi to the first time we saw each other.
I was scared to death.
My hands were sweaty on the plane.
My legs were shaking at the airport.
Not because I was FINALLY going to see her.
But because I was afraid that everything would be different once we were in front of each other.
Fortunately, we had taken precautions to avoid disappointment. I’ll explain everything soon in a dedicated article!
The next points are directly related to the lack of each other due to the distance.
2. Your sex life is close to nothing
Do I really need to explain why?
You can organize virtual sessions.
Or buy props.
I found an interesting article that gives you 6 tips on how to struggle with sex while away from your partner.
But between us, it will never replace real sex.
This LDR disadvantage is nothing compared to the last one on this list….
3. You experience the frustration of not being together for certain important moments in your or your partner’s life
I didn’t realize this problem until later.
When you enter into a long distance relationship, you don’t necessarily think about it.
It’s only after you’ve spent more birthdays and Christmases apart from each other that you realize this bitter feeling.
It’s pretty hard to explain, but it’s very real.
If I can take anything positive from it, it is, in my eyes, proof of love.
Yes, I can stay optimistic in all circumstances!
It means that you care about each other. Use this as motivation to close the distance!
4. You have to deal with the emotional, physical and sentimental lack from your partner
In connection with point N°2, the lack of the other on all levels is difficult to manage.
It is generally this disadvantage which is hidden behind the famous sentence « I could not be in a long distance relationship ».
Many people get into a relationship to fill one of these gaps.
I suggest you take my quick quiz to learn your (and your partner’s) love language to reduce this unpleasant effect.
5. You have greater difficulty managing your jealousy
I placed trust in #11 in benefits.
Unfortunately, to fully trust your partner, you must learn to control your jealousy.
It’s a deal breaker for some couples.
And distance does not mitigate this feeling, I’m not telling you anything.
I’ve written a complete step-by-step guide on how to successfully control your jealousy from a distance.
Just know that jealousy will always be there.
It’s a bit like fear: you have to learn to control it.
6. You struggle with the frustration of seeing other couples together, on the street for example
I couldn’t write this article about long distance relationship advantages and disadvantages without speak about that.
A disadvantage that we see every day when we go out on the town.
The worst for me is during the evening of December 31.
Even if I am happy in my long distance relationship, I always have this feeling of « I would like to be in their place… » when I see couples kissing at the end of the countdown.
7. You experience powerful emotions that only people in long distance relationships can experience.
A long distance relationship advantages and disadvantages and disadvantage at the same time…
I was in Peru in March 2020 when the country announced the closure of its air borders (because of covid).
When I arrived at the airport, the last flight to Paris was in 20 minutes.
I didn’t have a second to lose.
If I had had a checked bag, I would not have been able to board.
It was the most painful « goodbye » of my life.
Because they were completely unexpected, and especially because we didn’t have time to prepare for them.
Yes, you will experience very strong emotions.
Long-distance relationships, even when it goes well, are like a roller coaster.
A lot of waiting, and incredible sensations that you live intensely, without thinking about anything else.
8. You are unable to physically help your partner in difficult moments
Any long-distance couple has been there.
How frustrating it is!
Not being able to hug your partner when they’re down…
We won’t lie, this is one of the biggest disadvantages of LDRs.
So yes, there are some alternative methods to fill this gap.
And even if they are effective, they can’t replace the presence of someone.
9. You are more sensitive to misunderstandings, misunderstandings and misuse of language (especially if your relationship is international)
This is quite logical when you think about it.
Most of your communication is done over the phone or by videocall.
Facial expressions and tone of voice are more difficult to perceive.
And if, like me, you live in a remote village in the countryside, it’s even worse.
Add the fact that you don’t speak your native language.
You have the perfect cocktail to misunderstand each other!
But you know, I always look on the bright side:
- It teaches me patience
- 10–20 years ago, it wasn’t free to make international calls to the other side of the world
10. You have more difficulty handling an argument
So inevitably, this can lead you to argue! This is normal in a relationship.
A couple that never fights has a lack of communication.
This is obvious.
To manage an argument from a distance, you will have to swallow your spit and put your ego aside.
11. You realize that all the gaps are amplified (time, understanding, culture…)
Yes, this is a reality.
If you already have problems in your daily life to organize yourself, good luck!
Going to bed when your partner has just come back from work, eating at 9pm when your partner does it at 6pm… these are all small shifts that you have to take into account.
We are still far from the emotional lack as a disadvantage!
The next one can be more difficult to manage, since it does not depend only on others.
12. You put up with the looks and opinions of others when they find out you are in a long distance relationship
This one is really unique to everyone.
Some people don’t mind, others still have that gut feeling of announcing their relationship publicly.
Personally, I had a hard time saying it before we met for the first time.
Why?
Because it’s impossible for me to consider myself in a relationship without having seen the person in real life.
But that’s just my opinion.
I’ll be curious to know yours on this subject!
13. You may develop an unpleasant and uncontrolled feeling of loneliness
Loneliness is not a problem when it is wanted.
That’s what I thought before I got together with someone who lived over 10,000 miles away.
If you can’t see each other often enough, you can suffer from this loneliness.
The worst thing is that it is amplified by our daily life: seeing other couples together, missing important events…
Don’t hesitate to talk a lot with your partner and to diversify your activities!
14. Your non-verbal language is relegated to the background
It is often said that non-verbal language expresses as much as verbal language.
And it is true!
For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, verbal language (or body language) includes all the information that we communicate without speaking.
It includes facial expressions, mimics, the way our body is positioned, our gaze… You will find more explanations on the excellent site HelpGuide.
I think you have guessed it: in a videocall or on the phone, it is much more difficult to capture this kind of information.
This is also why all couples who have been in a long distance relationship for several years insist on the importance of communication.
Because we are depriving ourselves of the non-verbal.
15. Your couple may be experiencing routine head on in an extremely powerful and damaging way.
Routine is certainly the worst enemy couples can face.
No one sees it coming.
It creeps in little by little.
At first, we like it.
It shows a certain stability
But routine is like wine.
If you abuse it, you get addicted to it.
And you know that it is never good to be dependent on something.
With distance, routine can happen even faster.
It is besides by seeing that we managed rather well with Kyomi that we focused our blog on breaking the routine.
Yes, even at a distance, it is possible! And it’s easier than you think.
If you want to make this disadvantage not a disadvantage anymore, you can check out our 26 challenges to do remotely, or our 7 Days to Break the Routine program.
16. You are becoming more or less dependent on your phone
Terrible, isn’t it?
This one is lighter than the others!
Since I’ve been in a committed long distance relationship, I spend a lot more time on my phone.
It’s pretty normal, in the end.
Be careful not to cut yourself off from « real life » because of this either.
So finally, is it really more difficult and different from a traditional relationship?
I answer these questions in the last part of this long and complete article!
