How long should you date long distance before moving: 5 questions to ask yourself

5 min readNov 26, 2021

How long should you date long distance before moving: in this article, we will answer this question. For this, I would like to know something:

Have you ever experienced this moment?

You see distant family again. You check in with them, take stock of your life and theirs.
After talking about work and the last vacation, the subject of relationships comes up: « Still long distance? And do you plan to live together one day? »

This is a touchy subject.
You’ve been thinking about it since day one. The only thing you want to say is: « You idiot, if it was that easy, I would have done it a long time ago! »

But you’ve been well educated. With a shy look on your face, you shyly shrug your shoulders and answer that you will consider it one day.

After all, the first day of your relationship goes back a long way. In your group of friends, you are one of the only people who have been in a relationship for a long time.
Even if they tell you that « It doesn’t really matter until you’re physically together », you know they’re wrong.

So if they, who have been in a relationship for less time than you, choose to live together and go to sleep every night feeling each other’s warmth, why not you?
It is legitimate.
The more time you spend with someone, the more likely you are to share the same bed.

Big mistake.

People in a traditional relationship can’t understand how different long distance relationships are from others.

So while the notion of time is a decisive factor in choosing to move in together, it’s far from a reliable indicator for us.

I’ll explain why in this article why the question how long should you date long distance before moving is inappropriate (and what you should base it on).

How long should you date long distance before moving? It’s not a question of time…

Yes, it is. I take the risk of disappointing you, but giving you false hope would be dishonest.

Those who say otherwise are liars.

To be more precise, it is more appropriate to talk about steps. Let’s take an example:

Who is more legitimate between them to move and break the distance first?

Pretty hard to answer, I admit.

What you have to understand with this picture is that it’s not about time.

It’s like marriage after all. You certainly know couples who put a ring on their finger after 6 months together, and others who never made that decision after years.

So it’s not about time, it’s about steps. Here are some of them:

Have you ever met for real?
Have you lived together for at least 30 days in a row?
Have you met your partner’s family?
Do you have some kind of commitment that keeps you in your hometown?
Do you have the budget to make it happen?
Do you have the right VISA to stay in a country?

And most importantly, do you have the courage to leave everything behind and start a new life?

If all this gives you the shivers down your spine, it’s normal. You still need to think and continue to build your relationship!

If not, here are the topics you need to talk about with your partner, before you make the decision to move.

Who is going to move for the other?

Who says that it is you who had to move to join your partner?

Take the time to discuss it between you and weigh the pros and cons:

Do you have any imperatives that force you to stay in your country, such as illness, debt, disability, children, work?
In which country is it easiest to travel, and to obtain a VISA?
Who is most willing to leave their country?
Which country offers the best quality of life?
Financially speaking, which is better?
The language barrier: how to manage it in the easiest way?

And never mention the argument: « It is the man who must move ».

We are no longer in the 19th century! Times are changing and mentalities are evolving.

Is your long distance relationship healthy?

Distance does not cause arguments.
If you think it does, you’re kidding yourself.

If you spend all your time yelling at each other and getting red in the face, moving in together is hardly a miracle solution.

It’s like married couples who, to save their marriage, decide to become parents. All they’re doing is adding another problem to the huge pile they’ve been piling up for years.
How many couples do you know who have saved their relationship with a child?

And without even mentioning the distance, remember how you are to each other when you are together. This is essential to understanding what happens next.

How long should you date long distance before moving: How much time have you already spent together physically?

The higher it is, the more likely it is that the final meeting will go well.

It is even better if you have spent one or more months together in a row. This allows you to better understand and delineate your partner’s personality on a daily basis.

Here are some examples:

His/her temperament
His/her lifestyle habits
His/her cleanliness
His/her time management and obligations
All the little annoying things that happen in everyday life

If the only times you’ve seen each other have never exceeded two weeks, it’s hard to see that.

Before you jump in with both feet, you need to be sure of your relationship.
Just like in poker, you are taking a risk by trying to get double or nothing.

It’s still possible to do it on one condition. I’ll tell you about it right now.

You want to read the rest of my article?

Do it directly on my blog! Click here to read the whole article